Leaving My Behind Behind

 I fall asleep and before I know it, I'm dreaming that I am in a boat.  All of a sudden, water starts pouring into the boat. I start to sink.  Instead of freaking out because I can't swim, I start grabbing the chocolate cake and brownies so they don't get wet.  YIKES!!!!!  Ah.... I wake it.  It was only a dream.  The pastries are safe!

Have you ever stepped on the scales and have this come up???  Well, I have!  Yikes!!  This has got to stop. Slowly, over the past year, almost 40 pounds has found its way to my behind....and belly...and legs.  Everywhere!  Ugh!  I just can't take it anymore!

Sigh.  I just love these beautiful, tasty chocolate shakes.  Who could resist?  These find that my behind is the place to hang out.

 


Ribs.  Yum.  Another absolute favorite of mine.  And you would think these would be really good for you, being grilled and all.  Yeah...they head right for my belly, underneath MY ribs!  YIKES!!




But, here I am......weighing in at .... ha!  I bet you thought that I was gonna slip up and tell you what I weigh!  I'm a woman.. and this is *MY* blog!  Hahahahaha  Seriously... I weigh in at UNHEALTHY and this is going to stop.  I took a stand and today I ordered a fitness program that is working for two of Robert's cousins.  Hopefully, I can get with it and let it do something for me!

Beachbody TurboFire, here I come.  Express shipping... should be here in 5 to 7 days.  Woo Hoo!  I just pray that it isn't something that is TOO hard.  I'm combining the exercise program with eating healthier (even if the healthy food tastes like DIRT).

 I'm ready for my thin me to come back out.  Call it vanity if you wish, but I don't care.  I like fitting in to clothes that aren't made from leftover tents.  I like being able to breathe and not feel like a ton of bricks is resting on my belly.  I don't like my outside not matching my inside.


So... stay tuned.  There's more to come.  And pray... that the exercise doesn't KILL me! 


Woo Hoo!

 

Forget About It! You're Crazy!

I had to start with that song!  Before anyone fusses at me for the lyrics of it or the premise of the song, don't.  I don't know any of the lyrics other than "Forget you!" LOL  I just like the beat of the song and to be honest, don't we all just want to say "Forget you!" sometimes??

Today's blog is a double blog, so to speak.  It's not about telling someone "Forget you".  Instead, it's about actually forgetting them....and forgetting your first date, or where you left your keys, or what you were going to the store for!

Yes, this is MY cartoon!  It's NOT my age!!  It's my LIFE that makes me forgetful! Ha!  You would think that with only two kids at home and having a dream job would make life easier and less confusing.  Nope!!  That's not the way it works with me!

Oh yes.  It's that bad.  You can ask my husband.  Bless his heart, he's shaking his head every day!  I think sometimes, though, he is taking advantage of my forgetfulness.  He will tell me that he has said something and I just know good and well that he never said it.  I think.  Gosh.  And it's going to get worse???  YIKES!!

 Yes.  I've done the sticky notes.  The problem that I have found with the sticky notes is forgetting where you have PUT them!!

I can relate to this one, as well.  Thankfully, my phone has reminders!  And Facebook is AWESOME for helping me to remember special events, birthdays, and just about everything else!

I do worry that there is an underlying problem, though.  Is it normal to forget as much as I am forgetting?






My mother was unmedicated bipolar with manic depression.  Wow!  That is a mouthful!  Living with this illness was tough.  I feel so sorry for what battles she went through in her head.  I have read that bipolar disorder is hereditary.  YIKES!  So maybe the people that I keep locked in my head really shouldn't be there?  Uh oh!

 I LOVE this cartoon!  I feel that I am that bear sometimes.  It's really funny to look at it, but it's not funny to live through it.  


I have a fear of sinking in to the place that my mother was.  However, I have prepared for it.  My husband has strict instructions to do whatever necessary to make sure that I can live as close to a normal life as possible.  I can be that bear posing as a penguin.

I most definitely have a Jekyll and Hyde hidden inside of me.  But Mrs. Hyde isn't bad.  She's just incredibly silly. She doesn't get to come out too often.  Occasionally the kids get to see her.  They can still have fun and don't look at me like I am totally NUTS!  And ever so often you will get a glimpse of Mrs. Hyde on Facebook.  I let her out there more often than not.

This is what I feel more often than anything else.  I feel alone, tired, depressed, ready to just stay in bed and not have to deal with anything or anyone.  

Fortunately, I still have enough sanity left to pull myself out of it and stay among the normal people.  Right?  I'm still normal, huh?



Perhaps there is a reason that I have always had the words to this song floating around in my head! LOL

I'll leave you with this... enjoy!

Drowning

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just can't resurface? Do you feel like you are just sinking so quickly....drowning? Let me tell you this - you are not alone. Things can be going so great in my life, but that feeling of drowning is still there, just waiting to surface.


Wonder. Wonderful.
I wonder if he notices anything I do.
I wonder if he means it when he says "I love you".
I wonder if when I talk, he can really hear.
I wonder if he notices each and every tear.
I wonder if he knows what's going on inside.
I wonder if he knows that's where I go to hide.

I wonder if she has any type of clue
of just how much it meant to me when I said "I do".
I wonder if she realizes how I worry about her so.
I wonder if she knows that without her, forward I can't go.
I wonder if she knows that sometimes I hurt inside, too.
Does she know that I play big and strong while shaking in my shoe?
I wonder if she realizes that I would give to her it all.
I wonder if she knows that without her I would fall.

I wonder if they realize that I knew they would make a pair.
I wonder if they know that it was I that gave them air.
I wonder if they know that I'm the Master Planner.
I know what they're both feeling and I long to make it better.
I wonder if they know that the one completes the other.
For their children they are the father and the mother.
Yes, they know these things and they will remain strong until the end.
I know this because above all they have been each other's friend.
I've blessed them both, 'til death do they part.
And with each breath they take, they'll make beautiful art.

This is how I felt when I started writing Wonder. Wonderful.  I have an amazing husband.  I have a great life.  But that is the horrible thing about depression.  You can be on cloud nine and before you know it, WHAM! down you go.

It's easy to stay down.  It's easy to let the waves take you over and just complete engulf you.  It's easy to shut yourself off.  It's easy to curl yourself into a little ball and stay secure in the cave you create for yourself.  It's easy to die a little more inside each and every day.

By the time I got to the second paragraph, I knew that I had to turn this thing around.  A lot of it, for me, is what I allow myself to wallow in.  If I stay in that dark place too long, it will be even harder to get out.  Sometimes we (I) stay more focused on me rather than being aware of how others might be feeling.  Gosh!  I couldn't imagine having to live with me! Ha!

Once I finished the second paragraph, the third one just popped up.  It's not really about any of us.  It's all about God.  And I so often forget that.  He has set everything into motion.  He is the Master Planner.  And above all, He knows what He is doing.





It's easy for all of us to feel like we are drowning.  The hard part is making ourselves stop flailing around like a lunatic and slow down enough to let God pull us out.  I haven't been doing such a great job of that lately.  I sure am glad that God is more dedicated to me than I am to Him.