Leaving My Behind Behind

 I fall asleep and before I know it, I'm dreaming that I am in a boat.  All of a sudden, water starts pouring into the boat. I start to sink.  Instead of freaking out because I can't swim, I start grabbing the chocolate cake and brownies so they don't get wet.  YIKES!!!!!  Ah.... I wake it.  It was only a dream.  The pastries are safe!

Have you ever stepped on the scales and have this come up???  Well, I have!  Yikes!!  This has got to stop. Slowly, over the past year, almost 40 pounds has found its way to my behind....and belly...and legs.  Everywhere!  Ugh!  I just can't take it anymore!

Sigh.  I just love these beautiful, tasty chocolate shakes.  Who could resist?  These find that my behind is the place to hang out.

 


Ribs.  Yum.  Another absolute favorite of mine.  And you would think these would be really good for you, being grilled and all.  Yeah...they head right for my belly, underneath MY ribs!  YIKES!!




But, here I am......weighing in at .... ha!  I bet you thought that I was gonna slip up and tell you what I weigh!  I'm a woman.. and this is *MY* blog!  Hahahahaha  Seriously... I weigh in at UNHEALTHY and this is going to stop.  I took a stand and today I ordered a fitness program that is working for two of Robert's cousins.  Hopefully, I can get with it and let it do something for me!

Beachbody TurboFire, here I come.  Express shipping... should be here in 5 to 7 days.  Woo Hoo!  I just pray that it isn't something that is TOO hard.  I'm combining the exercise program with eating healthier (even if the healthy food tastes like DIRT).

 I'm ready for my thin me to come back out.  Call it vanity if you wish, but I don't care.  I like fitting in to clothes that aren't made from leftover tents.  I like being able to breathe and not feel like a ton of bricks is resting on my belly.  I don't like my outside not matching my inside.


So... stay tuned.  There's more to come.  And pray... that the exercise doesn't KILL me! 


Woo Hoo!

 

Forget About It! You're Crazy!

I had to start with that song!  Before anyone fusses at me for the lyrics of it or the premise of the song, don't.  I don't know any of the lyrics other than "Forget you!" LOL  I just like the beat of the song and to be honest, don't we all just want to say "Forget you!" sometimes??

Today's blog is a double blog, so to speak.  It's not about telling someone "Forget you".  Instead, it's about actually forgetting them....and forgetting your first date, or where you left your keys, or what you were going to the store for!

Yes, this is MY cartoon!  It's NOT my age!!  It's my LIFE that makes me forgetful! Ha!  You would think that with only two kids at home and having a dream job would make life easier and less confusing.  Nope!!  That's not the way it works with me!

Oh yes.  It's that bad.  You can ask my husband.  Bless his heart, he's shaking his head every day!  I think sometimes, though, he is taking advantage of my forgetfulness.  He will tell me that he has said something and I just know good and well that he never said it.  I think.  Gosh.  And it's going to get worse???  YIKES!!

 Yes.  I've done the sticky notes.  The problem that I have found with the sticky notes is forgetting where you have PUT them!!

I can relate to this one, as well.  Thankfully, my phone has reminders!  And Facebook is AWESOME for helping me to remember special events, birthdays, and just about everything else!

I do worry that there is an underlying problem, though.  Is it normal to forget as much as I am forgetting?






My mother was unmedicated bipolar with manic depression.  Wow!  That is a mouthful!  Living with this illness was tough.  I feel so sorry for what battles she went through in her head.  I have read that bipolar disorder is hereditary.  YIKES!  So maybe the people that I keep locked in my head really shouldn't be there?  Uh oh!

 I LOVE this cartoon!  I feel that I am that bear sometimes.  It's really funny to look at it, but it's not funny to live through it.  


I have a fear of sinking in to the place that my mother was.  However, I have prepared for it.  My husband has strict instructions to do whatever necessary to make sure that I can live as close to a normal life as possible.  I can be that bear posing as a penguin.

I most definitely have a Jekyll and Hyde hidden inside of me.  But Mrs. Hyde isn't bad.  She's just incredibly silly. She doesn't get to come out too often.  Occasionally the kids get to see her.  They can still have fun and don't look at me like I am totally NUTS!  And ever so often you will get a glimpse of Mrs. Hyde on Facebook.  I let her out there more often than not.

This is what I feel more often than anything else.  I feel alone, tired, depressed, ready to just stay in bed and not have to deal with anything or anyone.  

Fortunately, I still have enough sanity left to pull myself out of it and stay among the normal people.  Right?  I'm still normal, huh?



Perhaps there is a reason that I have always had the words to this song floating around in my head! LOL

I'll leave you with this... enjoy!

Drowning

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just can't resurface? Do you feel like you are just sinking so quickly....drowning? Let me tell you this - you are not alone. Things can be going so great in my life, but that feeling of drowning is still there, just waiting to surface.


Wonder. Wonderful.
I wonder if he notices anything I do.
I wonder if he means it when he says "I love you".
I wonder if when I talk, he can really hear.
I wonder if he notices each and every tear.
I wonder if he knows what's going on inside.
I wonder if he knows that's where I go to hide.

I wonder if she has any type of clue
of just how much it meant to me when I said "I do".
I wonder if she realizes how I worry about her so.
I wonder if she knows that without her, forward I can't go.
I wonder if she knows that sometimes I hurt inside, too.
Does she know that I play big and strong while shaking in my shoe?
I wonder if she realizes that I would give to her it all.
I wonder if she knows that without her I would fall.

I wonder if they realize that I knew they would make a pair.
I wonder if they know that it was I that gave them air.
I wonder if they know that I'm the Master Planner.
I know what they're both feeling and I long to make it better.
I wonder if they know that the one completes the other.
For their children they are the father and the mother.
Yes, they know these things and they will remain strong until the end.
I know this because above all they have been each other's friend.
I've blessed them both, 'til death do they part.
And with each breath they take, they'll make beautiful art.

This is how I felt when I started writing Wonder. Wonderful.  I have an amazing husband.  I have a great life.  But that is the horrible thing about depression.  You can be on cloud nine and before you know it, WHAM! down you go.

It's easy to stay down.  It's easy to let the waves take you over and just complete engulf you.  It's easy to shut yourself off.  It's easy to curl yourself into a little ball and stay secure in the cave you create for yourself.  It's easy to die a little more inside each and every day.

By the time I got to the second paragraph, I knew that I had to turn this thing around.  A lot of it, for me, is what I allow myself to wallow in.  If I stay in that dark place too long, it will be even harder to get out.  Sometimes we (I) stay more focused on me rather than being aware of how others might be feeling.  Gosh!  I couldn't imagine having to live with me! Ha!

Once I finished the second paragraph, the third one just popped up.  It's not really about any of us.  It's all about God.  And I so often forget that.  He has set everything into motion.  He is the Master Planner.  And above all, He knows what He is doing.





It's easy for all of us to feel like we are drowning.  The hard part is making ourselves stop flailing around like a lunatic and slow down enough to let God pull us out.  I haven't been doing such a great job of that lately.  I sure am glad that God is more dedicated to me than I am to Him.

A Magical Vacation

It had been thirty five years since I had stepped into that magical arena. WOW! It was everything and MORE that I remembered. Of course, for those of you who know me and are already clued in on the fact that I forget EVERYTHING, well that just doesn't say a lot, does it?! Ha!




This is my friend Angie and me. Angie puts these Disney trips together every year and that's how we were able to go and take everyone. Angie and I have been friends for years...DECADES! I was SO glad to be able to go with her!









Robert and his brother, Skip. I think Skip had just as much (if not more) fun than the kids did. I loved seeing everyone's eyes just light up. It was definitely a trip of a lifetime!






I think that I have already shared this picture once, but I had to do it again! This is one of my absolute favorite pictures...the whole family! I wish that we could just LIVE on vacation! I actually went on the internet to check and see what kind of job openings were at Disney! Could you imagine?! I guess it might just lose a little of the magic if you were there full time, though. Oh well. Can't hurt to dream!

Fun! Fun! Fun!!
That's just all you can say! We had a blast with all of the characters!












The Tree of Life was majestic! The carvings were so lifelike. So amazing!








Tower of Terror scared the living daylights out of me. Out of all of the rides that I managed to ride, that one was by far the worst. Scary!

Check out my little body guards! LOVE this pic of them. I think Aidan thought that the lady was sort of pretty! My little man.


Disney was definitely a place where memories were made!






















We are already planning the next vacation!


After all, Mickey Mouse is my friend and I can't wait to see him again!

Friends in Low Places

I know the title will probably scare a few and make them wonder just WHAT I'm going to post next! Ha! Judging from some of my blogs in the past, you just never know what I will come up with next!

No... this isn't a blog to talk bad about anyone or to pull someone down. This is a blog to remember when we were all a bit low.



She came into town like a train barreling down on the cities that she tore into. There were very few that she encountered that she didn't leave a mark on.

She may have been named after a lady, but she carried the strength of a full grown bull. She was strong. She was swift. And she let you know who your friends were really quick.

She was Katrina.


It's hard to believe that it was six years ago today. By this time of the evening, we were feeling the brunt of her in Laurel. Category 3 winds, even that far inland. I certainly didn't expect it. A lot of us didn't.

I remember huddling in the hall with the kids. Dalton, who was 6 at the time, asked me a question that I couldn't answer. He asked, "Are we going to die?" I didn't have an answer. I simply said that I didn't know. I was scared. I could feel the roof trying to lift up. I could hear the wind howling all around us. I think even the word 'scared' is an understatement!

I have never liked things to be out of whack. I like normal. I like routines. Let me tell you one thing you DON'T have after a hurricane - NORMAL! Things were nuts! I remember spending over $100 at a gas station just on junk food because I was scared we wouldn't have enough food! And gas - that was a joke! We were lining up for hours in the hot sun just to get $20 worth of gas! You definitely saw the people who were trying to make the big bucks come out in full force. But there was something else you saw, too....

....you saw friends becoming family. You saw strangers being friends. You saw people get back to the basics and actually sit outside and talk to each other. Instead of sitting for hours in front of the television, people would walk over to their neighbors to see how they were doing. People shared food with each other. People cared.

Amazing how something that was so horrific managed to show us that some of our best friends can come out of a low place or a low situation. It's a shame that it took that terror named Katrina to teach us a lesson like that.

How many of us have forgotten it? Are you still a friend in a low place?

The Block Was Rocked

I realized after posting the other day that I hadn't shared with you how the concert went.

IT WAS GREAT ! ! !

In case you are just now tuning in and have no idea whatsoever of what I am speaking of, meet my friend Lori....Yup....that's her and her son Landry. I had a picture of us posted, but she threw a hissy and made me take it down. Vanity! LOL I love her! Without Lori, there would have been no concert. She believed in the group and the reason enough to put herself out on the limb and get the groups here. I'm telling you this: by the time the concert arrived, I was ready to pull ALL of my hair out along with a whole bunch of other folks' hair! But, we survived and it was an absolute awesome event. We had a good turnout and were able to present a pretty decent sized check to SOMA - a Christian college organization at JCJC. That made it really worthwhile.

MIKESCHAIR'S Mike and Jesse's cake!













This is Aidan's Pirate Cake - Too Cute!













We had a birthday party for Aidan, Mike, and Jesse. It was a blast! Aidan knew that we were doing one for the guys in the band. He just didn't know that we had a really cool pirate cake made for him. He had an awesome time. Who wouldn't have with a cool cake like that and a ton of people at your party?!


Abandon started the show on the main stage. Honestly, I had never heard of them before planning the concert. However, by the time they were finished, I was a huge fan! Awesome group, awesome guys!








Our Boys!! Mikeschair! These are the guys that gave us the whole idea of "Rock the Block". We met these fellas at the Sanctus Real Concert and they were just amazing. They entertained our boys and they just really cared about their fans. We were so glad to be able to work with them again and to see them interact with the concert goers that came to "Rock the Block". One of the greatest things happened during the concert. There was a 14 year old that had really been having a tough time. After listening to Mikeschair, the teen sought out Mike (the lead singer) and asked him to pray with him. THAT'S what it was all about. Just an awesome day and night!



Just some various pictures of Mikeschair, Building 429, and the crowd. We had a great crowd! Imagine how much bigger it would have been if the area churches would have gotten involved. However, God had just who HE wanted there!





These are the last of the pictures to share today. Lori and Jon at The Loft made this day awesome! They provided the food and the most incredible Green Rooms that any band would want!

And last, but not least.... my chair! How cool is that?!

The Rest Area

It's been quite some time since my last post. It's been as though I was on this great trek and then all of a sudden just pulled into the rest area and decided to camp out.

Being here at the lake has certainly done something to me. I feel like I am more connected with nature, for sure. There is a new appreciation for the little things. We moved from one side of the lake to the other, in order to catch the breeze. However, we have caught something much more delightful. Our evening view is amazing! And it changes everyday! Just look at that sunset! How can anyone see something so spectacular and doubt that there is a God?

Speaking of God, I hope I haven't let Him down too badly. I haven't been to church in almost a year. I miss the fellowship, for sure. But I feel that I am still growing in Him. I still share the gospel whenever I can. But I am completely burned out with the church building. And I recognize that this is a ME problem and that I will work through it and hopefully return to a church soon. I need it and my children need it. It's just been a hard year spiritually. Like I said, I've stopped at the rest area and just haven't made it back on to His path just yet.

I feel like there is just so much to catch up on. I don't even remember the last post I made. I guess I will have to go back and read my own blog in order to find out where I left off. Ha! I know it's been hard without my mama. There is a story there in itself about my mama, but she is definitely missed. There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't talk to her. I find myself picking up the phone to tell her what crazy thing is happening or to ask her how to cook something. But I just can't do that anymore. Besides losing Jesse, this has been the hardest thing to work through. Not much of a choice but to do it, eh?

I had to share with you one of my favorite pictures! We had our first ever family vacation this year and we took the entire family. I don't think I have ever been happier. But then again, who wouldn't be happy when they are smack dab in the middle of Disney?! I can't wait until we can go again! If I could figure out a way to live there, I would probably do it. I'm sure the magic would disappear then.



My Daddy got married again this year. I never thought that I would have a stepmom. But Mrs. Juanita is great. And the main thing is that she makes my Daddy happy. I know how hard it was on him right after my mama died. The house was lonely and quiet. HE was lonely. But now he is being well taken care of and loved. You would never know that he is an 83 year old! I hope that I can hold up that well! I get to go see them about every week. I enjoy it. It's not the same as going home, though. But that's okay. I love them both and am very happy for them.


I have something good to report today! Three months ago today, I smoked my last REAL cigarette. WOO HOO! I bought the electronic ones and I've just about weened off of those, as well. This is a major accomplishment for me. I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 29 years. So...wow. Hopefully, my lungs will forgive me and continue to function a little better each day. I can already tell a difference. I can certainly smell it a mile away. Yuck.

I'll write again soon! In the meantime, have an awesome day! SMILE!